• interviewer: this wasn't listed as a required qualification, but you mentioned in your resume several times that you are excellent at memorization?
  • me: *giggles* oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed. well, since you asked for a demonstration, *recites 35 consecutive Nicki Minaj verses for the next 20 minutes*
20,198 notes

hipster-trichster:

marina-peixes:

svvords:

Why are shorts called shorts but pants arent called longs

she wears short shorts I wear long longs

she’s cheer cheerer and i’m on the sit sits

(Source: wasiangod, via cumfort)

491,916 notes

deathbedscene:

having siblings is weird bc like one minute u want to strangle them with their own intestines and then later ur singing dramatic duets together

(via missmisbehaved)

109,452 notes
I’ll marry a man who knows how I take my tea, coffee, and alcohol
And knows when to make which.

grettypop

Amen

(via thatkindofwoman)

(Source: grettypop, via kohwala)

122,903 notes

doctorspontaneous:

voidethered:

ask-omnipony:

luckydreaming:

Are fedoras really that bad?

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YES YES THEY ARE

I don’t really believe this mumbo jumbo

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I mean it’s a goddamn hat.

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Right..?

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The white rose, it symbolizes the unique beauty of all the women who wish not to be with a nice guy such as myse-

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I wonder if this works with other kinds of hat…

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Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

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WHEEEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT’S AMORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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(Source: batfag, via just-a-skinny-boy)

670,172 notes
  • WiFi: connected
  • Me: then fucking act like it
571,780 notes

oeuniverse:

In order to become the supreme adult, you must perform the seven wonders:

  • Public speaking
  • Not being afraid of teenagers
  • Calling the doctor yourself
  • Taxes
  • Arguing without crying
  • Having a normal sleep pattern
  • Having an answer to the question ‘what do you want to do with your life?’

(via wishmeahappyending)

712,482 notes