Fluff rice with a fork, never stir it with a spoon.
Vaseline is the best night time eye cream on the market.
You can buy alcohol and chips with your parents’ gas station credit cards.
If you force something, you’ll break it. That could be good or bad.
It’s important to read the care tags on your clothing and follow those instructions.
Related: don’t wash and dry j. crew wool sweaters.
Changing your car’s oil is not optional.
Whatever physical objects you acquire you will one day have to put into a box and move.
You’re allowed to disagree with negative feedback.
It’s always worth reading the instruction manual.
Nostalgia, like any drug, can be a poison or a remedy.
Pets are like human friends but better in every conceivable way.
Good doctors listen more than they talk.
You can’t fix a burned roux.
Floss.
Just because someone is an authority figure does not mean they are intelligent/competent/right.
Measure twice, cut once.
Get your nice jeans and dress pants tailored by a professional.
If you’re uncomfortable wearing it you will not look good.
You’re not required to drink alcohol while in a bar.
There are a few things that cure all ills: the beach, your favorite album on vinyl, and fresh garlic.
Kindness is not weakness.
Baking soda is not baking powder.
Taking Excedrin P.M. while still in public is not advisable.
Terrible people will succeed. Wonderful people will fail. The world is not fair.
Appropriate footwear is always key.
You can absolutely be too forgiving.
Real humor punches up, not down.
Reading the assigned chapters will actually help you learn the material.
There are no adults. Everyone is as clueless as you are.
Applying eyeliner well is a timeless art.
You can always leave. Awkward dates, suffocating jobs, hometowns that you outgrow, relationships that aren’t growing in the right direction.
You can always come home again.
But it won’t be the same.
Life is too short for bad books, boring movies, shitty people, and margarine.
Never underestimate the importance of eyebrows. 36 Things I Wish I Figured Out Sooner - Whitney Kimball  (via seabelle)

(Source: shessoprettywhenshelies, via mightaswhale)

64,566 notes

dutchster:

when the doorbell rings and i know it’s the pizza guy

image

(via wishmeahappyending)

109,492 notes

lepreas:

toinfinityandbeyonce:

what if you woke up one day and you were hot

idk i’d probably open the window or something

(Source: flaminhot, via thefuuuucomics)

513,068 notes

princess-of-lore:

mycheekyfinn:

official-nasa:

monilip:

dont-stop-runninggg:

knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit

wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad 

That was deep

philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie

That was deeper.

common sense is knowing that ketchup isn’t a damn smoothie you nasty

Ya nassstty

(Source: whattt-fucking-ever, via leopard-cub)

709,239 notes

teenagenicks:

[opens pizza box] *snoop dogg voice* greetings loved ones

(Source: brunts, via leopard-cub)

325,899 notes